


No Reason To Stay, Not Even You

by Boshy



Series: Boshy- Sakuatsu angst week 2021 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Insecurity, Leaving, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 04:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30016371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boshy/pseuds/Boshy
Summary: What can a person do when they love someone, but it doesn't seem like they love back?
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: Boshy- Sakuatsu angst week 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203725
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	No Reason To Stay, Not Even You

**Author's Note:**

> Today's prompt is "Am I not enough?"
> 
> //cw Self-esteem Issues and mentions of violence

Through the golden rays of the setting sun, we see two young athletes lounging around in Kiyoomi’s bedroom. The taller man sits on the double bed, scrolling through his phone. The second man; he stands at the foot of the bed, scowling at his boyfriend. 

Atsumu crawls onto the bed and lays his head on Kiyoomi’s thigh. Sometimes, when he craved attention, Atsumu would act like a cat. First, he would rub his calloused fingers against the soft skin (most of the time they would be covered with some sort of fabric, but Atsumu pounced at any chance he got) then maybe rest his head there as he contently fell asleep with Kiyoomi massaging his hands through his blond hair. Atsumu liked those days most, but recently that hadn’t been happening, at all.

Kiyoomi was always on his phone on their free days, God knows doing what. It hurt Atsumu. He didn’t expect attention all the time, but not even sparing him a smile in two weeks? Now that’s worrying. 

_ Was he being a bad boyfriend? _

_ Was Kiyoomi getting tired of him?  _

_ Was he too clingy; too annoying?  _

_ Did he make Kiyoomi feel suffocated? _

_ Did Kiyoomi not love him anymore? _

Questions raced through his mind, each one making him more and more anxious. 

Maybe Kiyoomi wanted space. 

The questions didn’t stop. They loomed over him, finding him at every corner, no matter how much he ran. But now, here, watching Kiyoomi once again with tears building up in his duct, he couldn’t stop himself from whispering;

“Am I not good enough?”

Kiyoomi’s head snapped up immediately, lips pursed and eyes dark, “ _ What _ ?”

“Am I not good enough for you anymore?” He whispered again, hoarser, quieter.

Kiyoomi shut his eyes and laughed thunderously, “ _ Good enough? For me _ ?”

Atsumu shrunk back behind the door. Although he had never seen Kiyoomi  _ angry _ , he’d seen enough to know that once Kiyoomi  _ was _ angry, you better run.

But he didn’t. Even if that was the better choice. The safer choice. To run away. To apologize then pretend it never happened, everything would go back to normal. 

Atsumu didn’t run. Not this time.

The ball is in the air but he’s not going to go after it, he’s going to leave it. Because it’s what they should do; what they  _ need _ to do. The ball is in the air, but it’s not for him to catch. This time it’s for Kiyoomi to step up. Just like in their volleyball matches, Atsumu can’t do everything by himself. He needs support. He needs to be able to trust others to do the right thing. He needs it. 

Not that he ever wanted to do it by himself anyway. 

Atsumu peeked from the door to see Kiyoomi glaring at him with the same dark eyes,

“ _ Just how  _ **_low_ ** _ do you think of me Atsumu?”  _ he growled. Kiyoomi dropped his phone next to him and started moving off the bed, never once taking his eyes off of Atsumu.

Atsumu shrieked and shut the door, ducking behind it again, shouting, “PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!” 

_ Wrong answer _

Kiyoomi stopped dead in his tracks, if it was possible his eyes were even darker than before and his face was contorted with disbelief. Something flashed in his eyes, something a lot like anger? Disbelief?  _ Hurt? _

He licked his lips before carefully choosing his next words, “When… have I  _ ever _ hit you?”

Atsumu stayed silent, whimpering behind the cover of the door, tears starting to slide down his cheeks.

He hadn’t meant to say that. 

_ No one ever does. _

He didn’t want to say it.

_ But he did _ ,  _ and sometimes that’s the worst bit. _

_ He messed up. _

“ _ I asked you a QUESTION, NOW ANSWER IT GODDAMNIT,”  _ Kiyoomi roared, ripping Atsumu from his thoughts.

He covered his mouth, trying to keep any noise from seeping out. 

“ _ How… how could you think that of me _ ?” Kiyoomi’s voice broke, and Atsumu could hear the pain in his voice.

_ This was because of you. It’s always because of you _ ,  _ you made him cry, you hurt him, you always hurt others, first, it was ‘Samu, then your parents, now it’s him, _

_ You’re selfish. _

“ _ Atsumu, do you even want this anymore _ ?” Kiyoomi cried.

_ Yes, of course I do. It’s the only thing I want, don’t leave me. Please, stay. I’m sorry, I take it back, just please, stay… stay. _

No words came out.

Atsumu hated it, he could never say what he wanted. The words stuck to his throat like peanut butter, thick and unwilling to move. Or like a serve that didn’t even go over the net; either way, it was frustrating.

So he lay on the floor, curled with his head to his knees, waiting for Kiyoomi’s next move. He dreaded it, even though he already  _ knew _ what was coming. That probably made it harder.

_ You deserve this _ .

“Alright, I get it.” The tears flowed faster, “ _ Leave _ ,” Kiyoomi snarled.

But he couldn’t. Atsumu couldn’t stop himself from shaking, or the tears that had decided to inhabit his eyes. 

The door flung open to show a  _ furious _ Kiyoomi, he glowered down at Atsumu, and seeing his condition, he stormed back into the room, grabbing a duffel bag. Anything that wasn’t his, he stuffed into the bag. Atsumu could only watch, couldn’t run up to stop him. Couldn’t do anything. 

Kiyoomi threw the bag at him, just barely missing his head, and wordlessly walked back into the room, closing the door as he went.

An hour later the tears still wouldn’t stop. And Kiyoomi wouldn’t come out either, so Atsumu pressed his palm to the coolness of the door and muttered, 

“ _ I’m sorry,” _

Then, wiping the tears away, he picked up the bag and left the apartment, dropping the keys on the kitchen table as he passed.

_ Goodbye _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/boshy26)


End file.
